Snow Day
I read in the Globe today that there's an art exhibit at Tufts University of photos documenting girls growing up and how they are often treated like sex objects in our culture. I connected with this. My parents didn't "intend" to convey messages about attractiveness being the goal, about how being pretty, dressing well, smiling, wearing some makeup, having beautiful long hair, being polite and pleasant, were the supreme goals for a woman and that these things would help to insure that I could find a man, get married, and have children. They told me I should get an education, work, study, etc., but at the same time, they told me in many subtle ways to be cute, that I could win acceptance by being a "good girl," by being agreeable, by being charming... Now I am older, not so attractive as I was when I was young. I wear glasses. My hair is gray, though I color it, and I find it difficult, --almost impossible-- to attract men with my appearance. I have a graduate degree in art and I have a good job that is challenging and interesting, --where I can use many of my skills and talents and I am appreciated by the students I work with and some of my peers, but now I am invisible to men. They talk to me about work-related things, often show less respect for me than they do for men. Frequently, I am given tasks that I ask myself, "Would this person give me this task if I were male?" Often the answer is "No."
I am less willing to accept being treated with little respect than I was when I was younger. In grad school just before the second year, I got married to classmate. When I returned and was registering in the fall, one of my professors said, "I heard you got married. Well, you'll never do anything with your life now. You won't go to NYC, continue painting, exhibit your work..." I was stunned, but said nothing.... Later, at a jury of my work, another professor said, "Your clothes are more interesting than your painting." I disintegrated into tears and although I recovered shortly, I have never forgotten that moment. The jury consisted of eight men. The only other woman in the room was a secretary taking notes.
I am a Curriculum Support Manager, yet I am asked to put up signs, to change ink cartridges and load paper in printers, and am often not listened to when I make what I believe to be excellent suggestions to the department. There is only one other full-time woman employee in the department and I find that she is, in some ways, the worst offender when it comes to how I am treated. She is patronizing, belittles my skills and abilities, and generally treats me with little respect, while men in the department virtually walk on water in her eyes. She is a workaholic and she may expect me to be that too. I am considerably older than she is, about 15 years older, and I believe that may be an issue. I have read that woman can sometimes be the worst offenders when it comes to stereotyping the roles of men and women, believing that male doctors, lawyers, and other professionals, are more competent than female ones, and that tall, attractive, men are more competent than shorter ones who are more competent than ANY woman (tall or short).
I work hard. I am conscientious. I take my job seriously, yet both men and women much younger than I am patronize me, often turn a deaf ear to suggestions I make and then later put the ideas forward themselves and take credit for them...
Now I don't try to be beautiful. I do what I can to look good. I take care of myself, eat healthfully, try to get a good walk in several times a week. My job doesn't require suits or nice shoes. No one (well perhaps the other woman is something of an exception some of the time) wears anything but cords or jeans, sweatshirts, etc. to work. I try to look as nice as I can in my Gap jeans/cords, turtlenecks, fleece pullovers, cool shoes. I am youthful in spirit and I probably dress more like a student than a woman my age. I am working at an art school, after all! Actually, I look very good for my age. People are amazed when I tell them my real age! But I just want to be treated as an equal, --respected, not patronized. I want to be listened to. Is that too much to ask?
I am less willing to accept being treated with little respect than I was when I was younger. In grad school just before the second year, I got married to classmate. When I returned and was registering in the fall, one of my professors said, "I heard you got married. Well, you'll never do anything with your life now. You won't go to NYC, continue painting, exhibit your work..." I was stunned, but said nothing.... Later, at a jury of my work, another professor said, "Your clothes are more interesting than your painting." I disintegrated into tears and although I recovered shortly, I have never forgotten that moment. The jury consisted of eight men. The only other woman in the room was a secretary taking notes.
I am a Curriculum Support Manager, yet I am asked to put up signs, to change ink cartridges and load paper in printers, and am often not listened to when I make what I believe to be excellent suggestions to the department. There is only one other full-time woman employee in the department and I find that she is, in some ways, the worst offender when it comes to how I am treated. She is patronizing, belittles my skills and abilities, and generally treats me with little respect, while men in the department virtually walk on water in her eyes. She is a workaholic and she may expect me to be that too. I am considerably older than she is, about 15 years older, and I believe that may be an issue. I have read that woman can sometimes be the worst offenders when it comes to stereotyping the roles of men and women, believing that male doctors, lawyers, and other professionals, are more competent than female ones, and that tall, attractive, men are more competent than shorter ones who are more competent than ANY woman (tall or short).
I work hard. I am conscientious. I take my job seriously, yet both men and women much younger than I am patronize me, often turn a deaf ear to suggestions I make and then later put the ideas forward themselves and take credit for them...
Now I don't try to be beautiful. I do what I can to look good. I take care of myself, eat healthfully, try to get a good walk in several times a week. My job doesn't require suits or nice shoes. No one (well perhaps the other woman is something of an exception some of the time) wears anything but cords or jeans, sweatshirts, etc. to work. I try to look as nice as I can in my Gap jeans/cords, turtlenecks, fleece pullovers, cool shoes. I am youthful in spirit and I probably dress more like a student than a woman my age. I am working at an art school, after all! Actually, I look very good for my age. People are amazed when I tell them my real age! But I just want to be treated as an equal, --respected, not patronized. I want to be listened to. Is that too much to ask?
posted by Art_n_tech at 10:48 PM
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